?

Log in

About this Journal
Current Month
 1234
567891011
12131415161718
19202122232425
2627282930
Sep. 23rd, 2004 @ 05:58 am (no subject)
Current Mood: tiredtired
Peyton and I have been back to best friends since Lucas left. It's been so nice hanging out with her, it's just like nothing ever happened. We took my dads boat out for a spin since it was a beautiful day...and we're beautiful girls! We did a little sunbathing and some swimming, and entertained a group of boys that rode by on a boat past us. I was talking to Peyton how lucas left without saying goodbye and everything. Then she sprung something on me. He left Peyton and I a letter before he left. My first reaction was to get really mad at her, I mean the note was to both of us, why would she not even tell me about it! After I listened to her reasoning though, I understood. She didn't want whatever was in that letter to tear us apart like lucas has done before. She honestly was just looking out for our friendship. I think I don't give her enough credit sometimes. She really is a good friend, despite what has happened in the past.
We talked it over and she had no interest in reading the letter, frankly, either did i. I'm done with boys for awhile, especiallylucas. So I threw it in our camp fire! If it really was so important, he could have came and found us and told us to our faces before he left right?
Well, more news, because lucas is back. So much for having peyton and brooke alone time. I'll write more about his return later though.
About this Entry
May. 3rd, 2004 @ 01:02 am (no subject)
Current Mood: discontentdiscontent
when you get a taste of something good, you don't want to settle for less. I had something that I thought was amazing, and now I'll never get that back again. Even though it was all just a fascade, it made me happy. What if I can never find that happiness again?
I hate that I can't stop thinking about him and what's happened.
About this Entry
look away
Apr. 30th, 2004 @ 01:41 am (no subject)
Haley had a party the other night. I wasn't invited and I should have just stayed away...far far away. I ended up going to the bar and getting some drinks, meet a girl, who seems cool, so we go crash haleys party.
All hell broke loose. Turns out Nikki that I met at the bar is the bar slut that lucas met! Not only that, but she's Jake's daughters mother. Peyton and Nikki got in a huge fight, and I mean a physical fight!
I'm not sure why..but I stopped by Peytons afterward, I don't want to have us hating each other anymore. I want to be able to talk to her about my feelings. I'm not sure if we'll ever get back to the kind of friends that we used to be, but atleast we can talk civilly.
Everytime I find out something else about lucas I just become more and more dissapointed...why did I think he could be different?
About this Entry
ummm
Apr. 22nd, 2004 @ 04:42 am (no subject)
Current Mood: bitchybitchy
my life has been a rollercoaster lately. First finding out that your boyfriend and best friend backstabbed you, then finding out you might be pregnant with his child? I had to tell him, but I needed to get my mind off of it for awhile.
I bidded on Mouth at the auction, I just needed someone, anyone to spend time with. He's actually a really nice guy, sweet...genuine..naive...I hope I didn't corrupt him too much in one night.
The end of the night came and I had to tell lucas that i was late, and possibly having his child.
We went to the doctors the next day, they called and told me i was NOT pregant. Maybe I'm a bitch, but I lead lucas on to believe that I was for a little longer. He just upset me so much by saying that maybe he wasn't the father, how could he know for sure. Sure, you cheat on me and then call me a slut.
I just want to sit here and cry, and that's what I'm going to do.
About this Entry
look away
Apr. 7th, 2004 @ 03:05 pm cheering
Current Mood: lonelylonely
We had our cheerleading competition. One of our girls came down with the chicken pox and I thought we were going to have to forfeit. I've worked really hard on this and every year we lose, I really wanted to win it this year. Somehow Peyton decided to get tutor girlhaley to fill in.
Then Mouth informed me that the other team was doing an awesome routine and like 4 of the other teams had our song. Mouth even showed us the other girls routine, man it was good, I wish he would have cheered with us. Peyton made a remix so we wouldn't have the same song as any of the other squads and Haley really stepped it up and did a great job. Well, we didn't win the competition =( To MY surprise, I DID get best coreography....which Mouth totally deserves half of for helping us out, even though I refuse to let him share the trophy =)
It was nice though...to forget about all of the peyton/lucas drama and get caught up in something else for a weekend. Then I saw them standing together, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. How can I forgive something like that? A so called 'best friend' would NOT do that. I just feel very alone and hurt. I hope this pain fades...
About this Entry
look away
Mar. 9th, 2004 @ 05:34 am i can't sleep
Current Mood: bitchybitchy
Everything is just such a mess. My emotions are on such a freakin' rollercoaster. One minute I'm sooo sad that I lost lucas as a boyfriend, and peyton as a best friend. The next minute I just have pure anger for both of them.
Peyton actually has the nerve to try and talk to me, does she really think telling me she's sorry is going to make it all better? She came to my house because luke's mom called her to try to find him. Yeah, he went out to the bar. Peyton and I went, just to find out that he left with some bar slut I bet. Just when I thought I had found a really nice guy, he's just like all the rest. I was so blinded by him for some reason...it's sad.
Lucas even came to my house to try to apologize for what he had done, I told him just what I thought of him too. What an ass.
About this Entry
ummm
Feb. 28th, 2004 @ 12:36 am (no subject)
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
i don't even know what to write in here. Words cannot express the emotions that I'm feeling right now. My boyfriend dumped me. My best friend betrayed me. I can't believe peyton went behind my back. She knew how much I cared about lucas. The first time I really cared about a guy, and she stabbed me in the back like this? I never want to have to see them again...of course I'll have to see them at school. I just can't believe this. Mostly Peyton, why would you do this to someone you call your best friend?
I was even willing to be lucas' friend. I woulda been there for him even though he didn't want me as a girlfriend, I can't believe the whole time...I can't even write about it anymore....
About this Entry
ummm
Feb. 21st, 2004 @ 11:39 pm (no subject)
Current Music: jessica simpson-with you
What a surreal week its been. Lucas was in an accident with Keith. I was at Peytons when Haley called her to let her know. It felt like my heart stopped, i couldn't believe it. I finally met his mom, I'm sure I made an idiot of myself in front of her already. I babbled to much and just kept wishing that I would shut up, my mouth didn't seem to want to co-operate though. I think Mrs. Scott is kinda mad about the tattoo Luke got too. I feel bad, I didn't even think about his mom caring when he was getting it done. I'm so used to my mom not caring that I forget other people have moms that actually do care.
Thank God, Lucas finally woke up. We were able to talk for awhile. Haley came and I'm pretty sure everything with them is fixed, I know no matter what happens they'll always be friends. I'm lucky too, I have that same bond with Peyton.
Sooo, hopefully the next time i see lukes mom I wont be such a wackjob, she's such a nice lady...exactly what I expected his mom to be.
About this Entry
look away
Feb. 12th, 2004 @ 01:46 am seeking approval
Current Mood: dorky
Current Music: maroon 5- this love
Luke and I went to help Peyton with her room, but she wasn't feeling well. Yeah, she was about to hurl I guess. So just luke and I hung out instead. He's been really distant lately. I asked him why he was so quiet and all...he said he's just anxious because his mom's coming back from Italy. I told him that I was too, he looked pretty surprised by that. Doesn't he understand that since I like him so much, I really really want his mom to like me too? I mean, I know Lucas is pretty close with his mom, so it's important for her to like the girl her son is dating! Plus it wouldn't hurt having a mother figure that I could be close to, since I'm not too close with my mother.
Wow, after writing that it just shows me how much I care about it, to the point that I need his moms approval. With past guys this hasn't been the case, I really like lucas, a LOT. I'm definitely falling big time...
About this Entry
look away
Feb. 10th, 2004 @ 02:58 am (no subject)
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
Poor Peyton. The other night while luke was fixing up her dads car and her and I were washing it up, she got a call that her dad was missing along with 2 others. That's bad enough, they found a body and she had to go see if it was him. I don't deal with this sort of thing too well, so I stayed at her house waiting for someone to call, hopefully Peytons dad. Lucas took Peyton to find out if it was her dad or not.
Thank goodness I got a call that Peytons dad was found and he was fine! Just as I was about too call lucas, my phone rang and it was him. Needless to say, everyone was relieved. I was really worried for Peyton, she's my best friend, I don't want anything bad to happen to her. Her dad is going to be back soon!
Lucas has again proved to be a great boyfriend. He's really such a caring guy, I mean he totally took care of Peyton when she needed it the most. He's so great, I couldn't ask for a better guy than him!
About this Entry
look away